"You're an idiot" and other divisive things we say.

I'm guilty of it myself - some talking head says something pretty ludicrous, my  mouth opens up and out comes something like "what an idiot!" Thankfully, my parents raised me with the mantra "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" so these outbursts are (mostly) limited to yelling at the television.

Unfortunately this seems to be contrary to how things work in the online world. I won't waste your time and mine bemoaning the loss of online civility - all you have to do is read any comments on any news article with even the most passing mention of taxes, religion, or bad drivers.

What I will bemoan today is how rude we are to our political/religious foes when they change their minds. "He was for it before he was against it!" Why is changing your mind a bad thing? ESPECIALLY when the change of opinion is a really good thing?!

Case in-point; several of the most Conservative figure heads have recently acknowledged that fighting same-sex marriage is contrary to the Republican position of less government interference.

(Lest you jump to conclusions too soon -- they are not saying they approve of same-sex marriage, they still think it's icky and immoral.)

• Bill O'Reilly said: "The compelling argument is on the side of homosexuals. ... We're Americans, we just want to be treated like everybody else. That's a compelling argument, and to deny that you've got to have a very strong argument on the other side. And the other side hasn't been able to do anything but thump the Bible." 
• Glen Beck said: "We have been so foolish. It is not about gays. It's not about homosexuals. It's about freedom. And the reason why they've won is because they've made it about freedom ... And so the argument has been, 'Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do?' And by saying, 'Well, because it always is.' What's happened? You've lost. And by doing so, by not turning into it soon enough, what's happened is you've been painted into a corner of a bigot. That's why they've won. Because the principle of it is right ... the principle is easy to understand."
• Rick Perry said: "We cannot condemn certain lifestyles while turning a blind eye to sins that, in God's eyes, are just as grievous. We must love all ... welcome all...and be a model for Christ."
• Rush Limbaugh even said: And I think they [gay marriage opponents] are just worried about the survivability of the country. And to which the opponents say, "Well, the country's changing and you better get with it and understand it because this genie's not getting put back in the bottle." And I think that's right. I don't care what this court does with this particular ruling, Proposition 8. I think the inertia is clearly moving in the direction that there is going to be gay marriage at some point nationwide.

But rather than just being grateful that they've been able to work through some of their long-held prejudices and catch up with the times, the media has lambasted them while reporting on their change. Headlines range from things like; "Hell Freezes Over as Glenn Beck Backs Marriage Equality," "When even the looniest Republican politician is signaling that he’s going to support gay marriage, we've clearly passed the tipping point."

My complaint is this - if you're going to make the claim that you are the rational one, you are the voice of reason, you are open and affirming of all, then don't fall to this level of pettiness. These types of responses are why it is so hard for someone in the public eye to change their minds. They're going to get a lot of grief from the co-religionists or party members. Lets us just be thankful they've come to our side and offer them a little support. When opposing sides can at last agree on such polarizing issues, that is the time to embrace the other, to work together, to try to heal some of the incredible division tearing our country apart.

We'll never see eye-to-eye on everything. Let's embrace over things we can embrace over and start engaging in meaningful dialogue to find solutions to other very contentious issues, not resort to childlike name calling.

Are we built to discriminate?

This photo meme is going around the interwebs lately. I love the message, it's beautiful and inspiring. But at the same time, it denies the very basics of human nature. We are not born blank slates. Human beings are largely shaped by evolutionary psychological adaptions that are encoded in our genes.

Our ancestors survived the very dangerous world of the past by forming groups, largely family groups. This grouping allowed them to protect themselves from other tribes who might try to steal their food or kill them. It helped them instantly identify a person of another tribe who might be a danger. Sure, we don't need to do that anymore, but we don't need an appendix anymore either and it's still in our bodies, just waiting to burst.

In this study a group of white children, whose parents never discussed race with their children (preferring to assume the "blank slate" theory will lead to children who don't even see race) watched some multicultural videos. Later the majority of these white kids answered "how many white people are mean?" with "almost none." And they answered "how many black people are mean?" with "some" or "a lot."

We have evolved to prefer being with people like us. This applies to everything - we prefer to hang out with people who share our interests, who have the same political and religious beliefs we do and, yes, people who look like us.

Prejudice is natural; but natural does not mean good. We do thousands of unnatural things every day, and they make our lives so much better. Parents, family, society has a responsibility to the children to teach them that is is OK to notice differences in other people, but teach them that the differences are what makes us interesting.

Overcoming prejudice is the mark of an evolved, sophisticated person. Perpetuating prejudice is ancient tribalism and the sign of a scared person.

For more information about the reasons the "blank state" theory don't hold up, check out this book: 
The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature by Steven Pinker